The seed of owning a place of your own has been sown. The choices are vast and the questions overwhelming. Exactly which question you tackle first is as confusing as an attempt to justify the big frizzy hair, golden glitz & other 80s fashion disasters.
To ease the pain, you swift through the google responses & come up with a list....you must get your background information before you start running off to the builder sites. You take a few steps by hitting some links:
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
road rage
As I drive every day across the city, my commute gives me abundant time to evaluate things I see on the highways. Trying to anticipate a fellow driver's move involves studying their pattern for the few seconds that you share with them.
Today, on my drive in I signaled to change lanes & the bully in the next lane actually sped up & started tailgating me, perhaps offended by letting me in. As soon as they got a chance, they switched to the other lane...as if saying that they won't follow me. I remember this incident because as I saw this white mazda protege in my rear-view mirror, I could actually sense the negative vibes...probably something to do with the fact that it was an inch away from my car. I felt pressured & genuinely concerned for my safety. Couldn't help by shake my head in disbelief by this person's actions.
What must that person be thinking...I can't quite understand the immaturity that so many drivers showcase when they're on the road.
Today, on my drive in I signaled to change lanes & the bully in the next lane actually sped up & started tailgating me, perhaps offended by letting me in. As soon as they got a chance, they switched to the other lane...as if saying that they won't follow me. I remember this incident because as I saw this white mazda protege in my rear-view mirror, I could actually sense the negative vibes...probably something to do with the fact that it was an inch away from my car. I felt pressured & genuinely concerned for my safety. Couldn't help by shake my head in disbelief by this person's actions.
What must that person be thinking...I can't quite understand the immaturity that so many drivers showcase when they're on the road.
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
the space between us
After trying to read several books in the past few months, I could never get past the first chapter for some reason. Sifting through books at the local library this one, titled "The space between us" caught my eye. A few days later I picked it up again & as I read the first few lines I knew I'd be hooked! The writing style enthralled my imagination from the get-go."The thin woman in the green sari stood on the slippery rocks and gazed at the dark waters around her. The warm wind loosened strands of her scanty hair, pulling them out of her bun. Behind her, the sounds of the city were muted, shushed into silence by the steady lapping of the water around her bare feet..... Balancing gingerly on the rocks, feeling the rising water tonguing her feet, the woman raised her face to the inky sky for an answer...She could scramble over these rocks, climb over the cement wall, and re-enter the world; partake again of the mad, throbbing, erratic pulse of the city. Or she could walk into the waiting sea, let it seduce her, overwhelm her with its intimate whisperings... "
Sunday, November 12, 2006
jeans
The ass-clinching, self-indulgent shopping for jeans over the weekend proved to be an uplifting experience. Trying on pair after pair & making sure the one you pick makes your rear seem irresistible. What's the obsession with the ass anyway...that's probably what leads to the hype about the perfect pair of denim. That's the thing about going to a store that sells jeans, and only jeans. The way sales associates openly remark about how great your ass looks in a pair is perfectly normal & in fact, it's expected. No where else would any stranger be allowed to evaluate & discuss your curves so. It's worth the troubles when you walk out of the store after being fussy over all the other pairs. All is well that ends well!
Friday, November 10, 2006
Thursday, November 09, 2006
goals
I approached my friend as he stared into space, a streak of sadness in his eyes. It didn't seem right. Like so many of my peers, he had just recently started a new job. I found myself asking him why he was not excited about something he had longed for? Why such gloominess?
He had been pondering over his decisions & I got the feeling that he might have just begun to give up on himself. He has great ideas floating in his mind but at times he lacks action. He said, "If I don't know what I want, then I'll never get it". He might have hit the nail on it's head. I found myself repeating his thoughts. You have to want something in order to accomplish it. For without goals, you are a wandering soul...no challenge, no joy, no destination.
I consoled him. Reassured him that he just needs some time to figure things out, for you cannot rush things. To explore himself & his surroundings. He needs to start paying attention to himself. So my friend, don't lose yourself in your day-to-day chores. Make time for yourself & do one little thing every day that brings you joy. In the process you will rediscover your identity & be at peace with yourself.
He had been pondering over his decisions & I got the feeling that he might have just begun to give up on himself. He has great ideas floating in his mind but at times he lacks action. He said, "If I don't know what I want, then I'll never get it". He might have hit the nail on it's head. I found myself repeating his thoughts. You have to want something in order to accomplish it. For without goals, you are a wandering soul...no challenge, no joy, no destination.
I consoled him. Reassured him that he just needs some time to figure things out, for you cannot rush things. To explore himself & his surroundings. He needs to start paying attention to himself. So my friend, don't lose yourself in your day-to-day chores. Make time for yourself & do one little thing every day that brings you joy. In the process you will rediscover your identity & be at peace with yourself.
Wednesday, November 08, 2006
down & out
As I sit in my cube on the abandoned part of this floor, I can't help feel sad. Wouldn't it be convenient to blame it on the weather. But the hollowness that I'm feeling goes deeper than that. It's the feeling of isolation, like being in a desert where your eyes long for company in the vast sea of emptiness.
Where are those days when you worked hard & played harder. When you were surrounded by smiling faces. A place where you felt valued, where you knew people & could walk over and talk to everyone on a hustling-bustling floor. Where is that foosball table, which was more of an asset when it came to socializing...a great excuse to meet people on the floor, a way to feel connected.
I suppose I should make an effort to initiate talking to people. If I put myself in a cage, no one will come to my rescue.
These feelings so closely resemble what I felt when I first moved to a different country. Same feeling of isolation and though it gets better, it takes a while. I've been through such swings before...every time it's a struggle. You forget the hard times & remember the things that made it better.
I just hate not knowing people around me. Not having someone to share a laugh with. Not having someone to listen to my corny jokes.
*sigh*
Where are those days when you worked hard & played harder. When you were surrounded by smiling faces. A place where you felt valued, where you knew people & could walk over and talk to everyone on a hustling-bustling floor. Where is that foosball table, which was more of an asset when it came to socializing...a great excuse to meet people on the floor, a way to feel connected.
I suppose I should make an effort to initiate talking to people. If I put myself in a cage, no one will come to my rescue.
These feelings so closely resemble what I felt when I first moved to a different country. Same feeling of isolation and though it gets better, it takes a while. I've been through such swings before...every time it's a struggle. You forget the hard times & remember the things that made it better.
I just hate not knowing people around me. Not having someone to share a laugh with. Not having someone to listen to my corny jokes.
*sigh*
goodbye
Dear Friend,
As you leave today I feel excited for where Life is taking you. Your path seems perfectly chosen for you. It's as if pieces of the puzzle have started falling into place. You are being offered a chance to live in the city that you're madly in love with. Everything that you wanted is coming your way & for that I feel overjoyed.
It's not as if I won't see you again, but this seems to be a good excuse to let you know what a special person you are. The way you get excited about little things is endearing, and how you're up for doing anything tops that. You've been there to listen to my pet peeves & constant ramblings. If you weren't my friend I'd need a shrink! So thanks for saving me lots of money.
Hope you realize what a smart cookie you are ...(can I have a bite?)... it's been great to see how silly you can be & how little things bug you just as much as they annoy me :P I've shared my deepest, darkest thoughts (well, almost all of 'm)...so keep them to yourself. It was great to realize that you were just as confused & indecisive about things as I was....just made everything seem ok somehow.
Glad that we met & bonded over stupidity & annoyances of others. Keep in touch!
Good luck with your new job, new place, new roomies.....don't miss me much.
...and the excitement has just begun!!
As you leave today I feel excited for where Life is taking you. Your path seems perfectly chosen for you. It's as if pieces of the puzzle have started falling into place. You are being offered a chance to live in the city that you're madly in love with. Everything that you wanted is coming your way & for that I feel overjoyed.
It's not as if I won't see you again, but this seems to be a good excuse to let you know what a special person you are. The way you get excited about little things is endearing, and how you're up for doing anything tops that. You've been there to listen to my pet peeves & constant ramblings. If you weren't my friend I'd need a shrink! So thanks for saving me lots of money.
Hope you realize what a smart cookie you are ...(can I have a bite?)... it's been great to see how silly you can be & how little things bug you just as much as they annoy me :P I've shared my deepest, darkest thoughts (well, almost all of 'm)...so keep them to yourself. It was great to realize that you were just as confused & indecisive about things as I was....just made everything seem ok somehow.
Glad that we met & bonded over stupidity & annoyances of others. Keep in touch!
Good luck with your new job, new place, new roomies.....don't miss me much.
...and the excitement has just begun!!
morning mist
The time for a change has come. I chose to start afresh in new surroundings for I was getting too comfortable where I was. Change is challenging....you're forced to re-examine your ways & adapt as the situation dictates.
My commute is a hassle now so I insist on being an early bird. It's painful...being disciplined 'n all, but ultimately that's what I've been missing. So as I drove through the thick fog this morning, I embraced the idea that change is difficult, it can be trying but it's just what we need to refocus.
My commute is a hassle now so I insist on being an early bird. It's painful...being disciplined 'n all, but ultimately that's what I've been missing. So as I drove through the thick fog this morning, I embraced the idea that change is difficult, it can be trying but it's just what we need to refocus.
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
zinedine zidane!
France will win the FIFA World Cup, I announced as I saw the clock ticking away towards end of regular time. They were dominating the second half & looked unstoppable. I wanted them to win. We were all glued to the TV & anxiously waiting for France's second goal, when out of nowhere they started showing replays of Zidane headbutting the Italian dude. Huh! OK...it was funny until the refree showed him the red card. A what!!
Now I start to panic....Henry is nowhere in sight & neither is Zidane. GASP!! At this point, I begin to doubt all I was hoping for. They lost him at a crucial point & I started preparing myself. I was supporting French & to see them lose was disheartening. They deserved to win that match. They played better. Fought harder. All, but till the end....sigh...what if Zidane didn't knock the guy down...would France have won it? I'm quite certain that they would have. The question lurks....why did he do it!!
* update: this is the funniest thing: http://www.addictinggames.com/zidaneheadbuttgame.html
:P I scored 1560..
Now I start to panic....Henry is nowhere in sight & neither is Zidane. GASP!!
* update: this is the funniest thing: http://www.addictinggames.com/zidaneheadbuttgame.html
:P I scored 1560..
Wednesday, July 05, 2006
persevere
She walks the walk,
but something's amiss
She wishes upon a star,
to bring her bliss.
She sets her goals
but never achieves,
A mist of confusion
hinders what she perceives.
She digs a burrow
a hole so deep,
A corner for herself
a place to weep.
Days go by
she sits alone,
the world is spinning
all on it's own.
Angered with herself
the self-pity & tears,
She brushes off the dust,
the pain she bears.
She's found her hope
sets her sights again,
Today is the day
she wants to begin.
but something's amiss
She wishes upon a star,
to bring her bliss.
She sets her goals
but never achieves,
A mist of confusion
hinders what she perceives.
She digs a burrow
a hole so deep,
A corner for herself
a place to weep.
Days go by
she sits alone,
the world is spinning
all on it's own.
Angered with herself
the self-pity & tears,
She brushes off the dust,
the pain she bears.
She's found her hope
sets her sights again,
Today is the day
she wants to begin.
the school bus
The feeling of nostalgia is taking over me this sunny mid-week morning. I recently heard from a classmate of mine, from what seems like ages ago. Things start to seem surreal when you dive into your past. The moments, the things, the people you remember after that time has passed you by are often what you took for granted.
I was surfing my school's web site & saw a link to the bus routes. Ah! The blissful morning ride to school, infused with energy from the excited teenagers 'n the tender tots who believed they could achieve anything. The atmosphere in each society is unique, but there is something about the adolescent experiences that makes the memories special. I am sitting amongst my colleagues today & thinking about something that was so routine a decade ago that I didn't give it a second thought.
Most people in our colony (yes, it's a colony not neighbourhood not community but colony) were in the same age-group. Our parents were almost same age, and us - the kids were also in the same age-group going to the same school. No effort was required to "fit into" a crowd, we were just born into it. The bus picked up 60+ students from 4 school bus stops, and more than half of them were in my class. That's a special bond!
The morning ride was an event in itself. Everyone gathers at the bus stop, we line our bags on the street to preserve our position in the queue. Often times, it's so hot that we leave our bags on the street 'n find ourselves a sheltered area to huddle under. We see each other, we see each other's parents...it was a social event, a chance for parents to interact with their kids' friends & their families.
Not to mention all those times when I was late & missed the bus. I'd go running after the bus 'n most times someone in the bus would spot me running towards it & tell the conductor to stop. Aha, I had celebrity status....the bus pulled over, just for me!
Once inside the bus, most people had their favourite seats where they always sat. The teachers were special. Their seats were never marked, but you always knew they're reserved for them. Not everyone got a seat, of course. The aisles in the bus would be packed with students, mostly older ones as they always ensured the little kids got their seats first. The back of the bus was reserved for the coolest bunch....the senior-most students who were the unelected leaders of the bus, the ones you respected 'n always wanted to be.
You yapped your way to school, waving at your friends in other school buses and rickshaws. Picking up your friends day-after-day, getting to school 'n meeting more friends. The world was my school and it was a happy place.
You repeated this on your way back, of course. Waving good-byes to friends as another day has passed 'n promised them to see them again the next day.....until the day comes when you must bid farewell 'n enter a different world.
I was surfing my school's web site & saw a link to the bus routes. Ah! The blissful morning ride to school, infused with energy from the excited teenagers 'n the tender tots who believed they could achieve anything. The atmosphere in each society is unique, but there is something about the adolescent experiences that makes the memories special. I am sitting amongst my colleagues today & thinking about something that was so routine a decade ago that I didn't give it a second thought.
Most people in our colony (yes, it's a colony not neighbourhood not community but colony) were in the same age-group. Our parents were almost same age, and us - the kids were also in the same age-group going to the same school. No effort was required to "fit into" a crowd, we were just born into it. The bus picked up 60+ students from 4 school bus stops, and more than half of them were in my class. That's a special bond!
The morning ride was an event in itself. Everyone gathers at the bus stop, we line our bags on the street to preserve our position in the queue. Often times, it's so hot that we leave our bags on the street 'n find ourselves a sheltered area to huddle under. We see each other, we see each other's parents...it was a social event, a chance for parents to interact with their kids' friends & their families.
Not to mention all those times when I was late & missed the bus. I'd go running after the bus 'n most times someone in the bus would spot me running towards it & tell the conductor to stop. Aha, I had celebrity status....the bus pulled over, just for me!
Once inside the bus, most people had their favourite seats where they always sat. The teachers were special. Their seats were never marked, but you always knew they're reserved for them. Not everyone got a seat, of course. The aisles in the bus would be packed with students, mostly older ones as they always ensured the little kids got their seats first. The back of the bus was reserved for the coolest bunch....the senior-most students who were the unelected leaders of the bus, the ones you respected 'n always wanted to be.
You yapped your way to school, waving at your friends in other school buses and rickshaws. Picking up your friends day-after-day, getting to school 'n meeting more friends. The world was my school and it was a happy place.
You repeated this on your way back, of course. Waving good-byes to friends as another day has passed 'n promised them to see them again the next day.....until the day comes when you must bid farewell 'n enter a different world.
Tuesday, July 04, 2006
deutschland downed
Aww...I was rooting for Deutschland to win. The see-saw game finally ended with Italia scoring in the last minute. It was a shock. I had already prepared myself for the penalty kicks...and it was so close. I always wonder what it must be like to compete at an international level. The pressure...the adrenaline...the thrill...the glory...the fire to win it all...to play like it's your last chance. The joy of winning such a coveted series must light up the world for the players.
Both teams had their chances though 'n it was anyone's game. Italy just snuck up 'n the timing of the goal couldn't have been better for them, leaving the Germans bewildered.
One must lose, for such is the game....but lose graciously as fighters, for there will be a chance again.
Both teams had their chances though 'n it was anyone's game. Italy just snuck up 'n the timing of the goal couldn't have been better for them, leaving the Germans bewildered.
One must lose, for such is the game....but lose graciously as fighters, for there will be a chance again.
Wednesday, June 28, 2006
ma!
I wonder what it is that mothers do to develop such patience towards their kids 'n family. They go out of their way to do little things for kids. Always complimenting them on their attempts, encouraging them when they fail, and supporting them in their decisions.
I am not nearly as patient, understanding, or loving as my mum. I am not nearly as humble, talented, or sophisticated as my grandmother. Even her soft & wrinkled hands seem to have a character. Mothers...they give so much & expect so little. It is unreal how easy it is to make them happy. They always amaze me.
I am not nearly as patient, understanding, or loving as my mum. I am not nearly as humble, talented, or sophisticated as my grandmother. Even her soft & wrinkled hands seem to have a character. Mothers...they give so much & expect so little. It is unreal how easy it is to make them happy. They always amaze me.
Tuesday, June 27, 2006
goo
Every day as I come in to work, I can't help but stare at this yellow gooey thing that's growing on the doors of the underground parking lot. It's almost like melted cheddar cheese with green fungus growing on it, just so sparingly. It's there. It doesn't move. I know if I look too closely I might puke...but for some reason, I still make sure that I casually glance at it every day and confirm it's existence. Some things are just too grotesque to be ignored.
Sunday, June 25, 2006
weekend work
Yes, I worked on a Sunday. Have done it at every job 'n found it equally replusive each time. Anyway, managed to save a few hours from the day 'n went shopping :P I've been eyeing this t-shirt @ Mexx for weeks...promised myself i'd buy it as soon as it goes on sale. Today was my lucky day!! OK, so my mom told me once that I look good in yellow. Naturally, my colour of choice for the t-shirt was yellow. It's still over-priced but whatever. One compliment will make up for that ;)
This has been an extremely productive day for a Sunday. Usually, I'll just bum around 'n 'relax'...prepping myself for going to work the next day. But not today....I worked 'n then continued to fix my computers. Actually, I'm still backing up all the data 'n reminding myself that it was the tortoise who won the race!
This has been an extremely productive day for a Sunday. Usually, I'll just bum around 'n 'relax'...prepping myself for going to work the next day. But not today....I worked 'n then continued to fix my computers. Actually, I'm still backing up all the data 'n reminding myself that it was the tortoise who won the race!
Saturday, June 24, 2006
death
Recently I lost someone whom I loved very much and whose love made me feel blessed. It's difficult to recover from such a loss & I don't think one can fully get accustomed to it either. This is my closest encounter with death & its is one of those things that you never truly understand until you go through it.
I remember when I could run to him & share my accomplishments and see the twinkle in his eyes as listened to my stories. The sheer joy & ecstatic look from him give me the confidence. He was not the type to preach, rather he'd value every decision you make and always supported you in your choices. I miss him....'n think about him every day.
It is one of those mysteries that leaves you helpless & vulnerable. It is a reminder that the people around you, the ones you love & the ones who meant the most to you will also leave you one day. Meanwhile, you can do little things to show them how much they mean to you because nothing lasts forever.
I remember when I could run to him & share my accomplishments and see the twinkle in his eyes as listened to my stories. The sheer joy & ecstatic look from him give me the confidence. He was not the type to preach, rather he'd value every decision you make and always supported you in your choices. I miss him....'n think about him every day.
It is one of those mysteries that leaves you helpless & vulnerable. It is a reminder that the people around you, the ones you love & the ones who meant the most to you will also leave you one day. Meanwhile, you can do little things to show them how much they mean to you because nothing lasts forever.
Friday, June 23, 2006
damn computer...it ate everything!
i hate computers. Without any input from me & in an adscititious manner, it's my job at home to revive those computers who have given up on themselves. The truth is that I stare at enough pixels all day that I really don't need to do any more of that unless it's abosolutely crucial. So it is today, TWO years overdue that I've started the long process of copying over old data (all we care about, really, are those precious mp3's). Suffice to say this whole take a few days.
So I've subscribed to MW's word-of-the-day. Neat little thing. I was thinking I'll use the word in my blog every day...brilliant idea, isn't it!! That's me, allright =) It took me 10 minutes to figure out how to use 'adscititious' as if i've always known what it means!
Allright, it's too funny to miss....i was @ amazon.com 'n what did i find? did you know that there is a 'Periodic Table of Sex'! lol....hope it's glow-in-the-dark!
So I've subscribed to MW's word-of-the-day. Neat little thing. I was thinking I'll use the word in my blog every day...brilliant idea, isn't it!! That's me, allright =) It took me 10 minutes to figure out how to use 'adscititious' as if i've always known what it means!
Allright, it's too funny to miss....i was @ amazon.com 'n what did i find? did you know that there is a 'Periodic Table of Sex'! lol....hope it's glow-in-the-dark!
Thursday, June 22, 2006
meri parchai...my shadow
the virgin entry
the title of this entry is inspired by last night's drunken comment by the guy who ordered a virgin coca-cola! I suppose there's a first for everything!
So, it was fun 'n jokes last night as we bid farewell to another fellow comrade as he ventures out to nibble on the greener pastures. It's always great when people leave. First & foremost, there's a farewell party. Then, there's the rejuvenated hope that there's something better out there. What about all the office gossip that you get to catch up on! How, no matter how old the men, the lower half of their anatomy still rules over the upper one.
Every time I get updated on this one pimp always likes to surround himself with younger chicks. It never ceases to amaze me how true it is that in the corporate world, it's not what you know but who. Some nitwit will be lauded by their superior just because he/she has a soft (or, hard...if you wish) spot for the nincompoop, who should not even be allowed to think. I mean, you'd think that a good leader would leave their fetishes at home.
(she chants the OM mantra to calm herself)
OK, so back to last night....it was just nice to be in company of those obsessive compulsive booze-chugging AA-members. There was a sense of relaxation amid the sourapple martinis, shots of who-knows-what, excessive beer-spilling, me-being-the-foosball-goddess, and some genius' idea to play 'hoops for boobs' where ice cubes were being aimed for shirts 'n blouses of anyone on the table.
The sobered-up drive home across the seemingly-serene toll highway was a time to smile at the moments just gone by.
So, it was fun 'n jokes last night as we bid farewell to another fellow comrade as he ventures out to nibble on the greener pastures. It's always great when people leave. First & foremost, there's a farewell party. Then, there's the rejuvenated hope that there's something better out there. What about all the office gossip that you get to catch up on! How, no matter how old the men, the lower half of their anatomy still rules over the upper one.
Every time I get updated on this one pimp always likes to surround himself with younger chicks. It never ceases to amaze me how true it is that in the corporate world, it's not what you know but who. Some nitwit will be lauded by their superior just because he/she has a soft (or, hard...if you wish) spot for the nincompoop, who should not even be allowed to think. I mean, you'd think that a good leader would leave their fetishes at home.
(she chants the OM mantra to calm herself)
OK, so back to last night....it was just nice to be in company of those obsessive compulsive booze-chugging AA-members. There was a sense of relaxation amid the sourapple martinis, shots of who-knows-what, excessive beer-spilling, me-being-the-foosball-goddess, and some genius' idea to play 'hoops for boobs' where ice cubes were being aimed for shirts 'n blouses of anyone on the table.
The sobered-up drive home across the seemingly-serene toll highway was a time to smile at the moments just gone by.
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